If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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