your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
