you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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