Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize