So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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