my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
