just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My vagina just clenched in fear
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
