P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
