I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
