roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
