dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
