I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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