I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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