I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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