Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
