I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
