Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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