my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
