So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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