i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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