3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
