All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
