Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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