you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
