I got chris browned last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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