non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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