I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
