Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
