i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
