Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
