she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
