did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
