Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
