Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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