enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
