this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
