Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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