there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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