the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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