I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
