I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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