Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize