ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This house was built for laser tag.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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