the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
