yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
