Dignity is for republicans.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
