for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
