Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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