Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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