How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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