THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
