if i can run in heels then i can drive
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
