she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
