Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
