One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
porn star boner night. come get it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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