so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
