Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
