Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize