Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
worst night to have a conscience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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