guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So vagazzling was a success
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
