Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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