My sheets look like a crime scene.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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