Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
