someone get that fucking seahorse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
