did you get engaged???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
