I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
