So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You can't just leave with hair like that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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