Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
