Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
