What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
