Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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