We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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