ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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