my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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