If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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