He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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