Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
