I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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